So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
