You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
