she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
