My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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