It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
