HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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