You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
