Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
