So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
