with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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