hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I will pee on everything he values.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
