you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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