made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
