finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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