And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
