Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
