my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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