Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
