I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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