Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
