i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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