Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
