I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
