There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
