I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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