I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
