He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
40s are totally the cure
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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