I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
