Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
