I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
