Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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