worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
