Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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