I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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