Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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