I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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