I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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