My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
