Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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