I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
