my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
