My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
