Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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