Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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