i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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