who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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