well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
