A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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