Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
