Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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