I just threw up on my dentist
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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