I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Rumble strips road head = magical
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
