I just saw a hot homeless man
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
