she looked like the bat from fern gully.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
