Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
