i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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