I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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