Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
