Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
