I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
