I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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