I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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