shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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